The Quinquagenarian Traveler: Five Ways to Improve a Disney Cruise

The waiters captivate diners with magic tricks, and new film releases abound in comfortable theaters. But despite its popularity, the Disney Dream cruise to the Bahamas can be improved.

Here are five ways the Mouse can perfect its experience:

1) Don’t misrepresent offshore excursions. Swimming with the Dolphins at Atlantis was more like Kneeling with the Dolphins. And if you’re going to ask customers to meet at 9 a.m. on the cruise’s first day, don’t make them wait nearly three hours before cuddling up with Flipper.

2) Adults love coffee. At Castaway Cay, the island owned by Disney where cruisers spend the better part of the day, the message was: No coffee for you, even though unlimited joe could be poured onboard. Stop at enough spots, and one could find a frozen cappuccino for a hefty price.

3) Combs are good. Within the Serenity Spa’s men’s locker room, the amenities are slim. But when a spot offers showers, shouldn’t combs be available afterward? I even asked at the front desk with dripping hair, and a kind woman checked the nearby barber shop. But no, a man must groom his locks with his fingers.

4) Let there be light. Using a card by the door to turn on all lights in a room has its pitfalls. Example: When our son started throwing up in the middle of the night, we couldn’t see anything to grab to help keep it off the bed. One emergency light by the parents’ bed would improve matters greatly.

5) Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink. Even cheap hotels supply free bottled water in its rooms. Though you’re captive in a five-person stateroom – replete with a view of, you guessed it, water – the Disney Dream is bereft of complimentary H2O.